Here again.

Why am I blogging again. It wasn't a question so much as a protest, or maybe a whine. Maybe I'm doing it because I think "she" might someday look here again.

A lot has happened in the last several weeks. No one will see this.

First of all, I had to let a friend go. She was getting on my last nerve with wanting to have sex with me, and I had zero attraction to her at all. The pouting, the crying-- it really got to me. I can be pretty picky about whom I want to be with in that way. It clearly wasn't her.

Cindy tried to guilt trip me about abandoning our friendship in any way she could, even pulling out the child card and saying her kid was now having trouble in school because of me. The fact is, her kid is a good reader with nothing else going for him but social problems. It has to do with his tantrums and wicked little fits. You'd think she would be thankful or something for my teaching him how to swim, how to ride a bicycle, how to make friends, how to catch and throw a ball-- basically how to function as a seven-year-old boy who has been babied so much his entire life that he cries if rain gets him wet. Hell, even his father is getting back into his life because of me.

Anyway.

So "she" waltzed into the office one day. I saw her right when she got off the elevator. My job requires that I had (inaccurate operator right there) to give her computer training the very next day. I wore my dark brown shirt, the one that contrasts nicely with the blue eyes and brings out the color in my hair-- not my words, obviously. I didn't realize the bait had actually set until about a week later when she was flirting pretty heavily. The next two weeks were fraught with sexy texts, sexy pics, and sexy phone calls.

But a funny thing happened.

She said no. I wanted to kiss her while she was looking so fine sitting on my living room floor. But that cheek turned, and I was devastated inside. Yes, I already knew she didn't want to have a relationship with me. She's 25, and unattached, and single. Clearly, I have a kid. But I thought for sure she was attracted to me in that way. Yes, in "that way".

I've spent the last two weeks trying to figure out what the fuck she wants with me. She feigns upset when I don't ask her over for a few days, or ask her to lunch, or say goodbye before I leave the office. I ask her over and she says no, or says yes and then cancels. I give her grief over the nature of our (cough) relationship-- I hate that fucking word sometimes-- and she will call and fight profusely to keep me on the string. I still don't get it.

Or her.

So I met another girl. She is probably more my type. Just about the same age as "her", also hella good looking, but not afraid to go for the goods. She's an investment manager or something. We met for lunch and I swear we sat in the truck for two hours after and talked. And kissed. She reached over and unzipped my jeans, and went right down. I gotta say, it was a nice departure from all this cat and mouse shit. And right there in the fucking parking lot.

I just want to make sure you aren't going to get upset when I see other people, "she" said. The thing is, I probably would have. Not at her, but at myself. I liked her style, her wit, those eyes, her ass. I've found myself getting hit on a lot lately for some reason, and found myself saying "no" nearly just as much. I thought "she" was someone I would have a long, passionate type of friendship with, the kind of friends everyone ought to have once in their life.

So here I am again, trying to sort this stuff out... maybe just make notes about what is happening in my life.

-Ox.