Letting go

Well, my little boy turned five today. I think back on his first words, his first steps, all the hugs and kisses, the changed diapers.. it doesn't seem like five years at all!! He's got it in his mind that he'll live with me forever, even says he's going to get married and have kids and still live in my house...haha. When I tell him he'll eventually want a place of his own, he cries and tells me "never". I figure I maybe got about another ten until he doesn't want much to do with his old dad anymore.

Sometimes I wish I could take a snapshot of this time, him being so little and innocent, his daddy being the center of his universe, and just keep it and come back to it any time I want. I guess that's selfish in some ways, but I'm already missing my baby who used to call me "Da-da-da-da-da" and grin from ear-to-ear. Not to say I don't love who he is now, because I do-- and more than ever-- but I do wish parenthood wasn't so much "letting go".

He still asks me to sing him the "night-night song", which I've been singing to him at night since he was born. When he was a baby, I'd rock him to sleep to it in his mother's rocking chair every night, his little arms around my neck. We went through a phase where I thought he'd forgotten about it, and I had almost forgotten the words. It's kind of a blur now even as to why, but I've come to the realization I should cherish those kinds of things and do them as long as he's willing.

His birthday celebration was pretty demure. His mother was out-of-town with her doctor boyfriend this entire week, and said she's going to celebrate his birthday next weekend. I had asked her if she'd like to get together tomorrow and do a little private party with me, her, him, and his brother, but she didn't want to. I woke up this morning debating whether to tell him it's his birthday yet, since she wasn't going to celebrate it for a whole week after, but he came in and plopped down next to me and informed me he was five today.

I took him out to a movie ("Chicken Little"), and later this evening gave him his gift and cake. The cake was a small tiramisu-esque chocolate one, with five blue candles. The gift was really from his "ma-maw", as she sent money for me to buy him one on her behalf. It was a Hot-Wheels "Gorilla Attack" playset, which he utterly enjoyed. He didn't ask for more toys, which is just how he is, but did ask why no one else was there to share cake with him. I would have liked to sprang a party, but a) all my family are back east, and b) parents tend to shy away from taking their kids to a party hosted by a single dad.

As of now, if I had to brag on my kid a moment:

* He can throw a football spiral (or catch one) for about ten yards
* He loves baseball and can hit pretty well with the bat
* He can basically swim, but diving hurts his ears
* He can play the intro to Nirvana's "Come As You Are" on guitar
* He knows how all the pieces move and capture in chess
* He's a car fanatic, and will amaze you with how many he knows
* He can read most words, except ones that don't follow phonetic rules
* He can count to at least 100, and is okay at addition and subtraction
* He makes friends easily, and is always popular in his school
* He fixes his own breakfast and cleans up without being told
* He doesn't wet the bed, unlike myself who did until I was like 12
* He's a rock-n-roll fanatic too, and knows a lot of bands and their songs
* He's not selfish, shares his toys at school and considers others
* He's got a great sense of humor, just laughs when you kid or tease him

Man, I love my boy! I guess I should forget the thoughts about keeping the here-and-now, and look forward to how he grows!

-Ox.